Well today is Valentine’s Day, a big romantic expectation day that most women probably love and most men probably dislike (…or hate). There in lies the big problem with this day, the expectation. When it comes to love, putting an expectation like Valentine’s Day on a relationship can cause unneeded tension and pressure. Now you might be thinking you know where I’m going with this and I’m just going to bash Valentine’s Day for no reason but I’m not going to bash it for no reason, I have a good one haha. But first a story…
I have never thought that Valentine's Day made much sense and thus have never celebrated it since elementary when you had to buy Valentine’s for the whole class. Mama Bird and I went on our first date on February 4, 2011 so very close to Valentine’s Day and on our second date, the very next day, I brought up the topic of Valentine’s Day. I told her not to expect anything on February 14th because I don’t celebrate it. A little bit of a ballsy move for a second date so close to the so called “most romantic day of the year”, but I didn’t want to lie and have to fake it on that day and start a yearly tradition of faking it on that day every year. I’m lucky she was so into me or else maybe that talk could have gone worse, but she didn’t seem to care once I explained my reasoning.
My reasoning is as follows:
Forced romance isn’t really romance. If you have to show somebody you love them through big romantic gestures because collectively the world says you should on this particular day, it doesn’t really make it true romance. You’re only doing it because you are expected to do it. It’s just because February 14th is known as the day that you do something special for your spouse that you end up doing it. That shouldn’t be the case, there shouldn’t be expectation on romance. I can hear some of you saying, “Well what about anniversaries? That’s an expected day of romance and love.” To that I say, incorrect. Your Anniversary is a day that holds meaning to your relationship, it’s a day that is specifically special to you and yours. February 14th means nothing. It has no connection to you unless your anniversary is on that day (oooo I feel bad for that guy because there would be ENORMOUS expectations for that day. Yikes haha).
Here’s my solution and what I told Mama Bird that second date on February 5th, 2011: I will give you 2 options. 1. I go all out for Valentine’s Day and make it a big deal and you get all the expected romantic gestures, like flowers, chocolates, a card, etc. OR 2. I surprise you with my own take on a romantic day 1 time, 2 times, 3 times, or how ever many times I want at ANY OTHER TIME OF THE YEAR.
Obviously she choose option 2 because there is way more opportunity for greatness that way. It gives me a chance to be spontaneous and romantic when I really want to show my appreciation for my relationship. Not on some day just because I have too. And that’s what love needs, is to remove the expectation and keep the spontaneity and romance alive and thriving. I think it’s safe to say that Mama Bird loves it this way much better but feel free to ask her.
*Now gentleman if you are thinking of using this approach, you better have some stuff planned, in the calendar for other times in the year or else your screwed. Don’t just use this as an excuse to get out of the day. Actually follow through with it.*
Just think about it ladies, what if you’re having a really bad week in June sometime and your husband picks up on it. So he thinks I’m going to surprise her on Friday after work. Maybe he starts by sending flowers to your work to perk your day up. Then when you walk in the door he greets you with a big hug and a kiss and walks you upstairs to a hot bath waiting for you. There is wine and candle light and your favourite book. Then while your in the bath he either cooks you dinner or orders take out from your favourite restaurant. You two then spend the whole evening together talking, watching tv, or doing whatever you want ;) Now wouldn’t that be sooo much better then a forced romance day on February 14th?
Maybe I’m crazy and looking to hard into this day but I think I’m on to something haha. But what do you think? Would you rather have expected Valentine’s Day romance or surprise romance any other day of the year? Let me know in the comments down below?
- Papa Bird