This Is Life Now

     Mama-hood is completely unknown. It's nothing you can plan. It's nothing you can prepare for. 

     Gone are the days of routine. No more excess sleep, napping, or alone time.  I don't get up and go to work. I don't have adult conversations all day. I don't read books for hours on end. I don't ever sit wondering what I'm going to do in the day. I don't paint my nails or curl my hair.  I don't waste time. I don't complicate things.

     Adult-ing has changed. My life now is simple. 

     It's waking up to a crying baby and calming her. It's changing endless poopy diapers and not even caring. It's dressing her up in cute outfits of which she immediately spits up on.  So I change her again.  It's bouncing her and rubbing her back because she loves that. It's sitting on the couch just holding her. It's wanting to rip my hair out when she cries all day.  It's feeling I have nothing left to give and then being able to give her the most.

     It's having no idea what she needs or wants but trying anyways. It's being confident one minute and clueless the next. It's spending all day trying to make her smile.  And then feeling so accomplished because she actually did smile. It's wrapping her in her blanket and snuggling her for hours.  It's wanting to never let go.

     It's singing her nursing rhymes that I don't know the words to. It's holding her hand when she needs something to grasp. It's wiping her tears away and kissing her chubby cheeks.  It's snapping a million pictures trying to freeze every minute. It's staring at perfection and nothing less.

     It's seeing her have my hubby wrapped around her little finger. It's a coffee date with her sitting on the table. It's having a romantic night as she farts in the background. It's the tears of chaos and the panic of worry.  It's wanting the next stage but then wanting the last. It's the perfect paradox.

     Yes my world is different now.  Every Mama will understand. My days are filled with crazy yet my heart is full of love.

- Mama Bird

Thumbnail Photo by Amy Amirault Photography

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